she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
