i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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