I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
