I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
