Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
