I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
