Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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