I heard we made out
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
