I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
