I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Randomize
