My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
