You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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