WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
