the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
