i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize