Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
