The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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