Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
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