Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Randomize
