Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
