Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
