Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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