I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
