I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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