I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize