"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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