What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize