You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
