She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
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