after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
