i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
