you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
