Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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