i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
