This dress was meant to end up on your floor
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize