You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
