i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
