Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
