just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize