So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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