New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
