Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
