textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
