Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
