i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
should my penis look like a turkey
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
