it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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