Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
