ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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