Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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