the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
