after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize