Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize