i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
