Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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