if i can run in heels then i can drive
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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