she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
