I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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