Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I think your dad took our porno
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
