dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize