go do what you do best...puke behind churches
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
