carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
