Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I need a burrito and a hug.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
