dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize