I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
