P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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