Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
