normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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