Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
