Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
