You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
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