You just made me feel so damn special
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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