if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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