I want to make a zoo with you.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
