your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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