I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Randomize
